Welcome to my life
by Spazapho
Summary: Humorous one-shots about my Inquisitor, Delana Trevelyan. Will contain cameos from my champion, Verona Hawke, and my hero, Selena Cousland. Rated M for language and mentions of sex. Delana/Cullen, Verona/Anders and Selena/Alistair. May change the title if i can think of something better. I own nothing about dragon age except my three characters. Warning SPOILERS!
1. Chapter 1

Title: RUN!  


I sprinted down the hall past various nobles and soldiers as fast as my legs could take me away from josephine, vivienne and cassandra and i hid in a broom closet to catch my breath. When i heard footsteps getting closer i held my breath "Where in the makers name did she go?!" i heard cassandra ask "I don't know but she can't of gotten far" josephine replied "Maybe she's in the garden my dears" i heard vivienne say to them and i heard them walk away,after about twenty seconds i stepped out of the closet and snuck my way to the library. I walked to dorians little alcove and saw him reading, When i walked up he looked at me "Hello delana, what are you doing here?" he asked with a smirk "I'm hiding from those three women who shall not be named!" and with that he burst out laughing "It's not funny dorian, they want to fit me for a dress for the winter palace, A MAKER DAMNED DRESS!" but he just continued laughing.

_meanwhile..._

"Was that the inquisitor i heard?" cassandra asked while looking up at the library, "i believe it was cassandra!" josephine growled out while stomping towards the stairs with the two others right on her heels.

_back at the library..._

"-PUFFY SKIRTS,CORSETS AND THE COLOR PINK! ugh i don't think i can continue" i finished complaining at the still laughing dorian. I clamped my hand over his mouth when i heard footsteps coming up the stairs and i had about four seconds before i heard josephine yell "INQUISITOR!" with that i took off running (i could still hear dorian laughing his ass off) for the door that lead to where vivienne slept. _'ironic' _i thought when i realized where i was, i walked out to the balcony when i heard the door open. I turned to see josephine, cassandra and vivienne walk towards me with scowls on their faces "Alright you had your fun darling, now come on so we can finish getting you outfitted for the winter palace" vivienne told me.

Still refusing too let the three of them pretty much have there way with me '_fuck it' _i thought and vaulted over the railing and landed in front of the throne room. I looked up to see three disbelieveing faces looking down at me so i stuck my tongue out at them and took off for the tavern. I walked in to see sera and iron bull talking, i seemed to have walked in during a conversation "-and so i sat on him, problem solved" iron bull told sera (who was drinking ale) and she spit it out in a fit of laughter. I walked over and sat "sup boss?" bull asked me " i'm hiding from the three dragons" i told him and sera barked out a laugh "They want to put me in a PINK DRESS!" i told them and iron bull burst out laughing along side sera "I would rather fight corypheus without my magic and without armor and weapons then wear that" sera tilted her mug towards me in agreement.

_in the courtyard..._

"I can not believe she did that" josephine said to the other two, cassandra looked at her "I can" josephine looked at her "Yeah i guess i can too, I don't know why i said that" and with that they walked towards the tavern.

_back in the tavern..._

I turned as i heard the door opened and saw the three of them walk towards us "You can't escape forever inquisitor" cassandra told me, "You wanna bet varric fangirl!"and with that i quickly cast Fade Step and ran up the stairs, When i heard them stomp up the stairs i ran towards the door that lead to the battlements. I Face Stepped into cullens office and i ended up scarring him "MAKERS BREATH!" he exclaimed when i appeared in front of his desk "sorry" i told him. Once he took a minute to calm down he asked me "What are you doing?" i gave him a sheepish look "Running from you know who, I don't care if its orlais i'm not wearing a dress" i told him and he chuckled and stood up "Have you told them you can't fight this assassin in a dress?" he asked while walking toward me. I must have looked shocked because he chuckled again "No i have not, What would i do without you?-Wait don't answer that-" I didn't get to finish when his lips were on mine. I kissed him back for awhile then he pulled back "Feel free to shut me up like that any time" i told him with a devious grin and he blushed. When he was about to respond we both heard cassandra ask from right inside the doorway "Are you two done?", My eyes widened "I gotta go" i told him then ran for the other door with the three women right on my heels, i could hear cullen yell "BE NICE!".

**This is my first fanfiction so i'm very sorry for any spelling errors and the like and i hope you liked it.**


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Wicked Grace... Awww Yeah!

Varric came up to me "There you are! I've been looking all over for you. You're just in time. We almost had to start without you." I was a tad lost "What exactly were you starting without me, now?" with a questionable expression on my face. He just waved his hand to follow him so i did and he took us to the tavern.

We walked in to find everyone sans Leliana, Vivienne and Solas sitting at a table, "I found her, Ruffles! Deal her in!" Varric announced to Josephine, It looked like everyone was going to play Wicked Grace. "I do hope i remember the rules. It's been ages since i played a game of Wicked Grace." Yep Wicked Grace.

"Grab a seat. We're ready to start." Varric told me

"Are we playing cards or what?" Iron Bull asked

"Are three drakes better then a pair of swords? I can never remember." Cassandra asked.

"Seeker, remember how i said, _'Don't show anyone your hand'_? That rule includes announcing it to the table." Varric Gently Reprimanded.

"There's a crown on his head, but a sword, too. His head didn't want either." Cole said in his kinda creepy spirit way.

"Don't talk to the face cards, kid." Varric told him

"You seem to have enough people. I have a thousand things to do." Cullen told him, but i could tell he was trying to weasel out of the game.

"Losing money can be both relaxing and habit forming. Give it a try." Dorian told him.

"Curly, if any man in history ever needed a hobby, it's you." Varric added in. And with that we started the game.

"Dealer starts. Ooh.. i.. believe... i'll start at... three coppers! Do you think that's too daring? Maybe i'll make it one... No! Boldness! Three it is!" Josephine told herself

Iron Bull leaned forward in his chair "Seriously? Who starts at three coppers? Silver, or go home." he told her

"Sounds good. I'm in." Blackwall cut in before she can respond.

"Bolder the better, right? I'm in." Dorian added.

"Me, too." Varric said. "Well? Are you in?" He asked me.

I looked at Josephine "Of course. Deal me in, Josephine." I told her.

She looked happy "Oh, wonderful! I'm glad you're joining us!" She exclaimed.

"Ante up, inquisitor." Varric told me. And the game started.

_Several games (that Josephine won) and tankards of ale later..._

Cullen was telling us a story of something that happened to a templar recruit, "The poor recruit ran out into the dining hall in nothing but his knickers. And this... profound silence fell over the hall as seventy mages and thirty templars all turned to stare at once. Then a slow round of applause began. And spread until every soul was on their feet. A standing ovation."

Josephine started snickering "What did he do?" She asked him in between laughs.

Cullen looked at her "Saluted. Turned on his heel. And marched out like he was in full armor." He told her.

Blackwall burst out laughing.

Cassandra slumped onto her arms "He did not!" She exclaimed.

"Good man." Was all Dorian said.

Iron Bull barked out a lugh "You're shitting us!" He shouted.

"That's how you know its true. I could never put that in a book. Too unlikely." Varric said to the table.

A memory flashed in my mind. "I've got one for you. It was the night of my harrowing. I was standing in the middle of a room full of templars and senior enchanters. As the knight-commander read me the Chant, I got the nagging feeling something was missing..."

_After my humiliating story..._

"They put me in the Ostwick Circle history book, which the first enchanter kept under lock and key, and never spoke of it again." I finished my tale.

"Not bad! You don't mind if i steal that one, do you?" Varric asked me.

"Well done!" Dorian applauded me.

"You ought to tell stories more often." Black said between laughs.

"I liked the part with the rabbit. There should be more rabbits in stories." Cole said in his _(kinda)_ creepy way.

Cassandra just laughed.

Josephine looked shocked "That was _scandalous_. It would ruin the inquisition if anyone found out. Tell it again!" She begged

_More games that Josephine won later..._

"And the dealer takes everything! I win again." She sounded and looked smug

Cullen leaned forward "Deal again. I've figured out your tells, Lady Ambassador." He told her

Josephine adopted a face of mock shock "Commander! Everyone knows a lady has no tells." She told him

"Then let's see if your good fortune lasts one more hand." He shot back

Can't believe i'm doing this "I want another chance to win my dignity back. Deal me in."

_After the game (that Josephine and i won) we took the next best things of cullens, three guesses to what it is..._

Cullen was sitting on his chair '_butt naked'_ with a angry look on his face. He turned to Varric "Don't say a word, dwarf." He growled at him, while Josephine and I were giving him smug looks.

"I tried to warn you, Curly." Varric told him

In a smug voice Josephine told him "Never bet against an Antivan, Commander."

Cassandra stood up "I'm leaving. I don't want to witness our commander's walk of shame back to the barracks." She announced to the table.

Dorian looked Giddy "Well, I do!" I nearly laughed out loud at that.

"It comes off. I didn't know it came off..." Cole said in his cryptic way.

Eventually we all stood up and walked away. When i got up and turned around i heard Cullen Get up and take off. I made SURE to get a good peek before he got through the doorway.

**The second chapter to my first story. I hope you all enjoyed it and hope to enjoy future chapters ass well.**

**Click Fav/Follow and wright a review if you want.**

**Again sorry for any spelling errors.**


	3. Chapter 3

Title: They grabbed his WHAT!

With Morrigans help we were able to determine that Corypheus is going to head into the Arbor Wilds. All five of us were at the war table "Cullen, how fast can our forces be ready?" I asked him, no response. "Cullen?" I asked again, still nothing. I looked up at him and i could tell by the look in his eyes that he was like a million miles away "CULLEN!" I shouted at him, and got the desired effect. He jumped like two feet in the air with a hand in the cookie jar look on his face "Three days, Inquisitor." He said with a rosy blush on his cheeks.

Leliana started snickering "What's with the blush, Commander?" She asked with a knowing look on her face, as if she knew what he was thinking. Josephine leaned forward, a smirk on her face "Yes Commander, it wouldn't have anything to do with your little fan club at the Winter Palace, would it?" She asked him, he turned to her with a horrified look "NO!" He answered a little too quickly. Josephines comment got my attention "Why, what did they do Cullen?" I asked him, he looked at me "Nothing happened." He told me while glaring at Leliana and Josephine. Leliana looked like she was about to burst with laughter "In fact, didn't one of the women and one of the men grab your-" "LELIANA, don't you dare finish that sentence!" He exclaimed, and with that she started to roar with laughter.

This was news to me, i looked at Leliana and Josephine _(who had joined Leliana in on the laughter)_ "Grabbed his What!" I demanded, and they just continued laughing. I finally got my answer from Morrigan, strangely enough "His Bottom." She answered for the two laughing ladies. I looked at Cullen, who had a blush as red as Mine and Lelianas hair, "Cullen, why did you not tell me this?' I asked him. Cullen looked around the room most likely for a method of escape "I would of joined in on the fun." And with that i joined in on the laughter while Cullen banged his head on the table.

**That was a fun chapter the write.**

**When i heard a man answer Cullens question "****_Did you just grab my bottom?"_**** I burst out laughing.**

**I would like to thank SkittlesSasuSaku for Fav/Following My story, and to the rest of you please pop in a review good or bad although if its completely hateful i will find someway to punch you through the internet.**

**Love you, Spazapho**


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